I would love to have something brilliant to share today - I feel that would be awesome.
Instead, I want a share a dose of reality.
This weekend was not so awesome. It was an uphill battle, and I'm pretty sure I lost (okay, nope, I did - being honest means I say that).
I got nothing done, took too many naps, slept in too late, and got the angers and attitudes to somehow last all weekend (which was not intended).
It was a total wash.
I wish there was a "re-do" button. That would come in handy.
Instead, I have to deal with the fact that I spent all of the past two days being angry, being lazy, and being listless.
Such is life. The feeling of just wanting to curl into a ball in bed or on the couch is strong.
But so is the pull that I need to do something...only to not be able to decide...only to waste time trying to think of something...only to wear myself out to then need a nap.
And then you start to think about how since you don't know what to do, why are you even trying to do something...then to think about why you try to do anything...and then, well, you get where this is going.
And that it leads to lots of naps and craziness. Also, frustrations. Lots of frustrations. Taken out on the stupidest of things.
What I'm trying to say is this - no matter how long of a "feeling good" stretch I can manage to have, no matter how "great" that stretch of time may be, there is always going to be times like this. That's how being me works. There are going to be times that I don't know what to do. Times I can't deal with myself. Times I can't deal with anyone else.
It can be easily said to "just work through" the rough times and just pretend everything is normal. And that's great. I've tried that. It only frustrates me, because I know what it's supposed to feel like, and the gap is tremendous.
Instead, all I can do is take naps, make sure I eat every few hours (as I always feel worse if I skip meals) and ride out the storm.
I apologize for interrupting the regularly scheduled broadcast (if you will), but I do feel that a realistic snapshot is necessary from time to time. This being one of those times.
~Havok
P.S. I promise I'm not sad because my Corn Dog "Muffins" didn't turn out xD
Thank you for sharing :) I'm sorry to hear you had a pretty crappy time :( xx
ReplyDeleteNothing to be sorry for. Just the way things go.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't feel I can honestly talk about "oh yeah I deal with anxiety" and then just brush off when things like this happen - that doesn't help anyone either feel better or understand better.
Thank you for stopping by dear :)
Thanks for sharing your feelings--I'm so sorry you're having a bad time!
ReplyDeleteIt's the same for me most of the time--crafting posts are fun, but on some days I just want to write a totally deep, meaningful post. That even though some days are great, some are crappy and make me want to curl into a ball in a corner. (which I have done before...yeah..) See, I want to be able to write posts like that, but I also don't want to lay my problems out, you know?
I hope things work out for you, though! xx
I know exactly what you mean. I could have easily made this post 6x as long going over all the different bits and peices, but I knew that wouldn't be helpful to anyone but myself (therefore, a journal entry would have been better!).
ReplyDeleteBut, at the same time, the idea behind this blog is sharing things that help my life get a little easier, and ways to help deal with stress and things of that nature...if hiccups along the way, or just plain bad days, weren't included, that wouldn't be a realistic portrayal, either! It doesn't do much to just say "I've had a bad day", but sometimes that's the truth. And when its' thrown in the way these things normally are, they get in the way of your "normal" life. Everything had appeared to be fine, only to get to this point. Not saying something about it wouldn't have been right!
And thank you so much dear, I hope they do too! It's much better now, but I'm still picking up all the stuff I didn't do earlier in the week - I'm basically writing this week off, and saying next week we'll try again xD
That is a great outlook - to just write the week off and try it again next week, rather than beating yourself up about it. Sometimes you just have to accept that today is not going well, and recognise that all you can do is look after yourself as best you can and not push yourself to do what you planned or hoped to do.
ReplyDeleteI have that a lot lately, but with kids there is only so much resting they will let you get away with.......
It is helpful to read that others are feeling like this, and getting through it. Thank you for that!
The only way to be able to move forward, for me, is to remember that yeah, set backs suck, but there is tomorrow, there is a way to get better, and that's by moving on. And trying to avoid as much possible that will recreate the same situation of feeling crappy.
ReplyDeleteI may not have children to manage, but it is noticeable in my home (ie the kitchen!) and it can get out of hand quite quickly, and takes a lot to catch up!
Thank you so much - I'm so glad that there are people that understand. It can be hard to describe sometimes!