Last Week

I know I should have gotten up, but I couldn't convince myself of it. I should have folded the laundry, and unloaded the dishwasher. I was supposed to clean the bedroom today, but that didn't happen.
I have been forcing myself all week. Today was the day I just couldn't.

Ha.
No, that wasn't last week. That was in October of 2014.
But that's what last week felt like. And that's, actually, how last week went - as in, well, nothing.

Last week was painful, what with teeth and things. A lot of time was spent trying to deal with pain, and to just try and, well, stay conscious as best as possible (or, sleep at an appropriate sleeping time).

And after I finished knitting those damed socks...I was lost. The one project I was pulling for was done. What now? Yeah, I had a shawl I was working on, but a shawl doesn't have near as much satisfaction as socks do, right? At least that's how it feels.
The one thing I was very much so involved in was over, and I had no idea what to do.

It was a very weird week. And I am glad it's over.
Not that this week will prove to be any better - my mouth still hurts, and I do not yet have another project to sink all of my time into - but it's at least a different week. Sometimes, that can make all the difference.

Last week, I was running on probably, ohn, 60-or-65% battery. This week, I'm at about 70%, with little blips that bring it lower (even though it's only Monday morning, there have been a few blips, so that's fun). And while that's a small improvement, it's an improvement all the same.
I mean, you'd rather have a bit of a cup of coffee than no coffee at all, right? Same thing, here.

The house is a mess, but we have groceries and clean dishes, and dinner is taken care of (crockpot soup recipes, I love you, because it means I have to cook half as often). We have clean clothes, and we have towels so that we can take showers.
So, really, it's not that bad - it could be worse. We didn't have clean clothes or towels until yesterday, so it really is an improvement.

I could be ridiculous and say that it will get better.
But that's obviously not the case.
Instead, I will say that it will have better moments, but overall, it is not better. It is the same, it's just a matter of what parts will be when, the good and the bad. There is always something that is going to get in the way. And even though I know this, there is no planning "around" it. That's not possible - because planning around would suggest there is a shortcut of sorts, some way to make it so the fall isn't onto concrete. No, it will always be shortcutless, it will always be concrete.
What really is important is to remember that so long as nothing permanent happens, you can get back up and start over.
There is no "try again" - there is nothing to be changed. It will always feel like that, and it will always be devastating when it happens. So just do what you can, while you can, and hope that the fall doesn't last any longer than it has to.

So that, maybe, when it's over you won't have so much to pick back up, eh?

~Havok

P.S. The only reason I know what I wrote in 2014 is I finally filled up my Moleskine, and did a quick read through of it all so I could shove it in the closet and forget about it finally.