Updates and Concerns/Happiness and Peace

These past few months have been calm.
Too calm.
And I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Sure, I've had a few nights where I couldn't sleep because my mind was buzzing, but that was for good reason - I'm trying to change my life, try new things, and new thing scare the crap out of me most of the time!
Sure, I've had a few days where it seemed I got nothing done, but that's alright - not every day is going to be a winner.
Sure, there have been times where I've been frustrated and angry (okay, livid is a better word), but it passed quickly and without mishap.

For me, even just a few months of "calm" doesn't sit well. It means either something horrible is coming up, or I'm somehow holding everything in (without me realizing it).

I've spent the past week or so thinking about this from time to time, and came to a conclusion.

I've taken the bad, anxiety-inducing, frustration-causing, bad-situation-making things out of my life.

I don't have to wake up and say "what do I have to get done today?!", because it's all in my planner.
I don't have to worry about things not going the way I've "planned" them to, because I'm in charge of my time and my tasks.
I have come to the point where the Mister taking forever to be "ready" to leave in the morning is fine.
I've managed to be calm(er) in traffic, because I know that it's not going to get any better any time soon (apparently, Oregon was the #1 state to move to in 2014...so, everyone, please stop - our infrastructure literally CANNOT hold more people!).

My days are in my control. I have say over what happens. And that is a big part of my anxiety. There are rarely any "surprises", no giant lists of things just sprung up on me.
There isn't anyone asking me every five minutes if I've finished a task or not. And there is nobody else's crazy demands to answer to but myself.

And I'm calm. I'm relaxed. I'm able to deal with myself.

I am busier with my days. I get more stuff done, I have more energy to do it with, and I don't dread waking up in the morning. I may not have the most exciting of times, but I certainly am much healthier mentally than I have been in the past 10 years.

My life isn't 100% to the point I would like it to be, but I am able to spend an evening relaxing. Sure, I think often that "I ought to be doing something productive!", but that's only because I spent the rest of my day doing fun and productive things. I am able to pull myself away from all the other bits of the world around me and focus on a task - something I used to not be so good at!

I'm not going to spend my time worrying about if and/or when the next "bad time" will be.
It will, more than likely, show up unexpected.
Instead, I'm going to go about with the lifestyle I have created for myself, and keep hoping for the best out of each and every day.

I used to think being in a mental state like this would be impossible for more than a few weeks. I used to think I was going to die being a crab-apple of a woman. I used to think that I would dread every day.
And now I don't. Quite the opposite.

~Havok

P.S. I suggest, to everyone looking to brighten their days, get ahold of a large collection of Looney Tunes. It helps, I promise. :)