The Grocery Store [isn't really that bad] [I promise]

Please excuse my horrendous drawing abilities. Also, drawing with a fake stylus on a tablet is even less of something I can do than drawing in general. 

Does this in any way look familiar? Hopefully not.
One, because I just drew it three minutes ago.
Two, because it's my grocery shopping route while in the store (which is pretty spot on, actually).

I am a horrible grocery shopper.

My lists are never 100% complete - which leads me to believing I will figure out what else I need once I'm at the store, which never works out.
I still haven't learned where everything is in the new store (because of the move). For some reason the cheese is in a middle aisle, as is the bread, instead of one of the outer aisles, and that is just wrong.
I go back and forth finding things, trying to cross off everything from my list, all the while trying to not take too long.

"Let's not stay in the store any longer than we have to", I says. Which I am successful at (the last two times, I have left the house and gotten back home by the time Mufasa is being assassinated in The Lion King).
But, man, by the time I get home I feel it's time to crawl back in bed and take a hearty nap.

Grocery shopping is not in itself stressful.
The traffic is. The people in the store are. The checkout lines are. The parking lot is.
And it, well, stresses me out.

Except I have a ton of ways to combat all of this. 

First, I go to the store as early as I can (and sometimes will skip going a day if I am not up at the correct time). Everyone is on their way to work, and nobody tends to lollygag in that pursuit, so getting to the store is a cakewalk.

Second, if it's first thing in the morning, people are going to work, not to go get groceries. So the store is just about empty. It's fabulous. Also means there is nobody around to hear me mumbling to myself about not being able to find the cream cheese (and then complaining about how expensive it has gotten).

Third, self-checkout for quick trips. And if it's a larger trip and early in the morning, there may be only one actual cashier, but they are quick to get you out the door, and there is never a line.

Fourth, the parking lot. That one I battle by just parking as far away as makes sense. I park in the same row every time, and the same spot if I can mange. If it's later in the day and there are more cars, I just park farther down the aisle. One, it means nobody will park next to me and I can put things in the back seat of the truck without issue. Two, it means I can actually see around my vehicle if other cars are backing out when it's time to leave. Three, it means there are less people walking about getting in and out of their own cars.

But, even if all that goes as planned, I still end up ready for a nap when I get home.
Because I have tricked myself into thinking that grocery shopping is stressful.

And yet I have proof that it's not.

This past Tuesday I went at 4PM because I had been feeling quite junky (thanks, teeth!) and hadn't went Monday morning or Tuesday morning and we were out of quite a few things (like ketchup - who runs out of ketchup?!).
And yes, there was traffic. But I live so close to the store that it wasn't really an issue.
And yes, there were a ton of people in the store, but I'm a good grocery-cart-maneuverer and will just avoid a busy aisle and come back to it later if need be - which I did, and it worked out just fine.
I managed to get to check out and not have to wait in line somehow, even though the store was pretty busy and it took no longer than being there first thing in the morning.
And yes, the parking lot was pretty full. So I just parked farther away than normal, and nobody parked next to me, and everything was fine.

I got home and it was still before Mufasa was assassinated in The Lion King (we leave a movie or something on for background noise for the dogs while we are out...and to hopefully drown out the sound of their barking).
Which means I was successful. And while I may not have gotten all of the things we may have wanted, I got everything that was on my list (including the ketchup!) and only mumbled to myself a little bit.

It's really not that bad.
Now if only I could remember that more often.

~Havok

[Edited 7/24/15 @ 7:40am:
Happenstance found me this article this morning, which says that talking to yourself through a task actually helps you accomplish it - so me talking to myself in the store is actually an alright thing. Winner winner, chicken dinner.]