The Crazy Lady Who Cleaned My Kitchen & Said Nice Things About Me

Things have been weird around here.
Okay, let me rephrase. I've been weird. The past few weeks have been filled with me saying "who is this woman, where did she come from, and how can I get here to stay?!" - which is confusing, but kind of awesome.

That may not make sense. I'm sure it doesn't. Because it's the reverse of what I'm used to having to explain.
You see, instead of feeling junky, I was feeling awesome. Everything seemed possible. Everything was doable. And I could conquer the world. I could conquer all of my bad habits, and create new ones. Better ones.

It has been weird. That's the best way I can explain it.
Because it's confusing! I've had these moments before. And they never last. I normally get into a "I'm going to do something with ALL of my energy" around that time of the month, and then it passes just as quick as it crept up. Everything that I worked on is, normally, no longer important, and any effort put forward is useless (because I don't keep up with it).
This, though, was not associated with that time. This, instead, was something I thought about for a day or two, and then really dove into it. And then, somehow, managed to not only work on it each day, but added on to it.
I researched things. I made tons of lists - those goals in my Happiedori. And I put the effort forward.

It's been filled with a lot of positive self-talk. It's been filled with getting all of those crazy to-do's done. It's been filled with journaling and cleaning and trying to work for better.
And it's been working

And that's the scary part! Because it's not, well, me!
Granted, last week was full of hiccups. I was extra tired (because I had spent the previous week and a half or so cleaning a ton more than normal), so I slept in and took it easy. But, I also still got a few things done. Not as much as I had originally intended for those days, but it wasn't a bed or couch or lazy day.
And I told myself that it was okay to feel that way. It was okay to take the time to regroup and gather more energy. And, then, to continue.

But it's been confusing. Very confusing.
Because, normally, as I said, these things tend to drop off the face of the earth after a few days. And this, well, this has been great - and I don't want to lose it.
But instead of spending my time worrying about that part of myself (the part that sluffs off after a while), I'm instead trying to focus on getting as far ahead as I can. Because if I can at least get ahead, when I get set back, I won't necessarily fall behind. And maybe, just maybe, if I don't actually fall behind, I will be able to pick myself up after a bad day (or two or three!) and see that it really is all worth the extra effort and maybe it won't fall off the face of the earth, like things normally do for me.

It's been wonderful. I'm going to hold onto it for as long as I can. I will try and cling onto this crazy lady who dusted the ceiling fan and washed the baseboards in the kitchen without needing the worry of someone coming to inspect the apartment looming overhead as a reason to do it. The crazy lady who has been trying to be more social online, who has been talking to herself in a positive manner and has been her own cheerleader.
And maybe, if I treat her nice enough, she'll stick around for a while. I'd like that. Hopefully she would, too.

Have you ever had the feeling of a fire lit under you? Are you able to stick with it, or do you fall off the bandwagon after a while? If you have any suggestions for sticking with it, please let me know in the comments!

~Havok

If you liked this post, check out some of these!

What do you do when you cannot trust your own judgement?
Negative Self-Talk [or, it's not *always* all bad, is it?]
Keeping Track of the Bad Times