What Is This & Where Is It Going

The past little while I've been thinking (more than usual) about what I ought to be doing with this space (and by "space" I mean blog, because I can't even really call it a website).

The problem is that I've not come to any conclusions. 

I enjoy writing here. But it can be a chore sometimes. I enjoy writing in general, but I'm not so great at sticking to one or two or three topics over all (you know, a "theme," if you will). I don't enjoy trying to have images for every post, but PicMonkey makes that pretty easy in a pinch (this happens most times, really). I don't enjoy checking stats every day. I enjoy sharing my "wins" and enjoy having a place to share about my "loses." 

But over all, it's a draw. 

To just write whatever, whenever, is very little work. But isn't going to be very, well, productive. To write as often as I do, there are plenty of times where I've just not had a post for a day that one was supposed to be. To write in more concise topics would allow better reach, but how much can be said about less than a handful of topics? For me, not very much. 

Then again, writing is one of my "things." I enjoy it. And it is the best way for me to work through things, no matter what it may be. I can write better than I can talk, but I'm certainly writing in my "voice" - apparently, many people struggle to find theirs, while I feel that I've naturally been able to just write what is in my head in the same manner with ease (for which I am very grateful). 

And really, it should not matter if anyone else enjoys it, it should not matter if I go off on random topics (lookin' at you, Minecraft and Pokemon!). It should not matter if I don't fit into a niche and how many hits this place gets in a day shouldn't matter. 

However, I've been trying to think of this as a job, and as a job, it's failing. But as something good to be doing, it's working out really well (for me, that is). As a job, though, there's too much diversity, not enough good. As a personal thing, it's great and it skips around to keep things interesting. As a job, this space needs so much more. For me, it's pretty cool - could be better, but that is the case with most things. 

In the end, I'm still just not sure. 

I had thought that taking a break over Christmas week would be a good refresh, to be able to jump in with new energy. Instead, I spent quite a bit of time worrying about "behind" I was, in comparison to everyone else, and that was rather counter-intuitive. And now, the break is over, and it's back to business as usual, and the spark that I had hoped to find never came. 

I'm trying not to stress over it, but as I'm sure you may have guessed, that's not really something I'm good at. I'm hoping to just let it stew in the back of my mind, and hope for some sort of epiphany. Or at least, you know, a resolution that sounds halfway decent. 

In no way does this mean that anything is going anywhere. It's not. It just means lots of reflection that is taking quite a bit of creative juices. If you have any suggestions, please let me know!

~Havok

P.S. This is in NO WAY asking for a pat on the back or for anyone to try and convince me of anything. I'm not after a pity party (I'm more than capable of throwing those for myself, no outward help necessary!). I'm just wanting to be open about things and there is no sense in trying to tromp on without airing this. 

P.P.S. I'm not leaning towards cutting my loses and just quitting. I've quit enough things in my life, I don't want this to be one. I am, though, thinking of a sort of rebrand from trying to be accessible and helpful to just, well, fun and life and hard times and good times and less censoring. Also, more Minecraft and Pokemon, ha!